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Men would rather drive around lost than ask for directions, and often develop the same resistance to divorce advice. Well-meaning friends and associates who have either “been there-done that”, or know of a real “mad-dog” lawyer, will be the first to tell their stories or offer their assistance. Most often this is not the advice a man needs, or the stories he wants to hear. Useful advice for men experiencing the big “D” is often hard to find. Much of the available advice is even harder to defend.

Many websites and blogs suggest that men summarily receive unequal treatment in the Courts, perpetuating misinformation, and angry rhetoric instead of explaining the judicial and emotional process of divorce. Evaluate your own divorce options and position by sticking to the facts of your own situation and try not to form predisposed notions of how you will be mistreated by the Court. If you are forthcoming, honest and reasonable, the Court will treat you reasonably and with respect.

The best divorce advice for men is that which facilitates a reasonable and fair settlement for BOTH parties with as little involvement by an attorney as possible, dependent upon the size and complexity of your marital estate. Although divorce is fraught with emotion and pain on both sides, relentless battles over children and possessions solves little while only increasing bitterness and strain, and decreasing assets with rapidly mounting attorney fees.

Whether plaintiff or defendant, primary breadwinner or stay-at-home Dad, your best interest will be served by making an honest, realistic attempt to settle your monetary as well as custodial divorce issues as equitably as possible - not to say you must give your soon-to-be ex-spouse everything she asks for, but that you must be reasonable in your division of both assets and liabilities of the marital estate, based on the earning capacity and history of both parties, the length of the marriage, number of dependent children and their ages, as well as how best to maintain a nearly equal standard of living for all involved.

Your State of residence will have bearing on how involved you must be with an attorney with regards to “community” versus “separate” property, and “fault” versus “no-fault” divorce States, as well as physical and legal custody of minor children. In California for instance, the Court does not adjudicate Fault in a divorce, nor does it necessarily favor one parent over another. That the Court in California favors the mother and is biased towards women when it comes to physical custody of minor children, is a myth among men.

In fact, the bias regarding custody of minor children tends toward the childrens’ primary caregiver, be that mother OR father, and is addressed on a case by case basis. California Superior Courts widely utilize a family support division with mandatory counseling for divorcing parents and children, facilitating the development of a custody agreement separate from any monetary settlement and future judgment.

The Court’s final judgment will include the agreed upon arrangements under the custody agreement, along with any child support if appropriate, as well as any alimony due one party by the other. In most States it is possible to represent yourself in a divorce, i.e. without an attorney, called IN PRO PER, but I do not recommend this, especially if your spouse has retained an attorney. Family law is a vast and complicated science in addition to the court rules and procedures. Moreover, even experienced attorneys rarely represent themselves, as emotion can cloud ones’ ability to think clearly and make reasonable and rational decisions.

I do advise you to have as many issues resolved as possible prior to consulting a lawyer, and make every effort to have your attorney only ask for what you truly KNOW to be fair and equitable, while expecting the same from your spouse. This is often the toughest part of any divorce.

So, to the point:

1) DO know the value of your marital estate, i.e. cash on hand, i.e. checking and savings accounts, real estate “fair market value”, value of investment, retirement funds, annual income from work or self-employment and how title is held with beneficiaries, personal property, etc. Have copies of all documents, and tax returns for the past 3 years.

2) DO your homework! Get divorce tips through credible self-help references online and on attorneys through your State Bar Association. Your local County Superior Court has information on the procedure for filing the divorce papers, the filing fees, and court rules. Your local bookstore and library can also provide a myriad of valuable reference resources (remember, this is in the Non-fiction section).

3) DO consult a well-respected attorney, and a family therapist for emotional support.

4) DO maintain a loving relationship with your children - YOU ARE THE ADULT - and set a good example by maintaining an amiable, working relationship with your spouse.

5) DO NOT try to hide assets or minimize income. When the Court discovers the truth (and they will), you will have diminished your own credibility.

6) DO NOT make unrealistic settlement demands, as these will tend to diminish the validity of your legitimate claims.

7) DO NOT force children to choose between you and their mother, either in time spent together, loyalty or affection. The divorce is not their fault. Try your best to work out and stick to an agreement regarding physical custody and visitation, or respect your children’s decisions if they are over the age of 12. You will be rewarded with their love and respect in the long term, even if it seems unbearable now.

DO NOT use your children for negotiation, as messengers, or pawns to punish your spouse, and do not make derogatory remarks about their mother. All of these tactics will have the reverse of their intended effect.

ABOVE ALL: Remember - divorce is not a crime, nor should you be ashamed of being divorced! Regardless of the reasons for your divorce, you must do whatever you can to maintain your self-esteem, your job, your extended family relationships and your friendships. The sooner a settlement is reached the sooner you can move on and begin the process of rebuilding your life and enjoying all it has to offer - once again.

As a man, you’ll feel the odds are against you when dealing with divorce. You will want to start planning and getting all financial records in order. Many of our Divorces range from $249- $299. Learn more about legal issues

Many people feel the best man is only there to keep the ring for the groom, but did you know there are other reasons why you need to have a best man at the wedding? Read on to hear why you should include a best man at your future wedding!

What is the role of the best man?

Congratulations on being selected to fill the shoes of the legal witness of the wedding. Not only do you get to wear fancy clothes and stare at the maid of honor, you also get to stand up for the groom! During the ceremony, the best man stands to the right of the groom, if there are ushers or other male attendants they will stand to the right of you.

Some weddings have a ring bearer, but in the case one is absent from the wedding, the best man then becomes the ring holder until the couple is ready to exchange rings.

Toward the end of the wedding since you are the legal witness for the groom, you will accompany the bride, groom, maid / matron of honor to witness the couple signing of the legal documents.

For the close of the ceremony, you will escort the maid / matron of honor from the church directly followed by the bride and groom.

Outside the chapel or after the wedding you will pose with the wedding party for group photos.

Sure, this sounds amazingly complicated, but its really not. You will get a few chances to practice all the things that are required of you, before the actual wedding day. If you have questions or need clarification of some matter within the roles you must play before during and after the wedding - you may then ask your questions there!

Some of the best duties wrapped around being the best man include hosting a stag party for the groom before he gets married. Of course, you could ask the other male attendants in the wedding party if they would be interested in hosting such a party, but you should first consult with the groom before you make any plans. Why? Some grooms have made agreements with their wives to be not to have stag parties or to have different types of parties instead of the stag party. You see some soon to be married men have promised their soon to be wives that if they have any type of party at all it will be tasteful. If you were to plan a party and have a stag, not tell the groom and the wife to be found out, you could put the groom in serious hot water. It is better to play it safe and ask before you plan.

Since you were chosen to be the best man, you need to attend fittings for your tuxedos, attend any and all pre-wedding meetings and above all else attend all rehearsals, even those that are dress rehearsals! You may not be wearing your tuxedos but you will be required to wear at least a sports jacket and dress pants!

Before leaving for the wedding make sure you have the rings and the marriage license!! Protect these with your life!

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Sexual fitness is the latest idea to push its way into the popular culture of our times and, like most other good ideas, it sounds simple, but requires a lot of dedication. And whether you’re one of those guys who like to stay up until morning with the friends at the pub, or one of those who jog in the park and like to think of themselves as health-oriented, you are going to have to pay attention to this new concept making headlines today.

The basic idea is simple: your sexual health is related to your overall health, which means that any abuse of your body will translate into a loss of sexual performance.

Any man who wants an excellent sex life should learn to take care of his body and, most important, to keep his cardiovascular system in perfect condition because a healthy erection depends on the normal flow of blood through the body. Junk food, as well as any food rich in cholesterol should be kept to a minimum, while cigarettes, large quantities of alcohol and all manner of recreational drugs should just go away. A glass of alcohol once in a while will do you no harm, but try not to drink more than this bare minimum.

Smoking brings nicotine into your body and nicotine constricts the veins and arteries, slowing down the flow of blood and making your erections harder to achieve. Alcohol also wreaks havoc on your cardiovascular system, which spells doom for your erections. Many men really think they can do anything they want to their bodies, they can push them to the limit and beyond with alcohol, tobacco, drugs and food and never ever suffer any setbacks in the bedroom department. Well, this idea is plain wrong. There’s no way to abuse your body without having to suffer the consequences.

Losing a bit of weight in the process is not a bad idea, especially if you are a couple of pounds overweight and would really like to get rid of that spare tire around the waist. Just follow this simple advice and you will enjoy strong erections well into your old age. Physical effort keeps the blood flowing, keeps your heart in shape and increases the production of testosterone, three things which are very important for your sexual fitness. Increased blood flow to the pelvic area can be obtained through exercises that work out the lower part of the body, including the quadriceps, hamstring and lower back.

Stress, unhealthy food, long work hours, various pills and lack of physical exercise are all part of this problem because they lower the body’s capacity for effort and, consequently, the capacity for achieving strong and satisfying orgasms. Moreover, the abuse that we do to our bodies is compounded by the process of aging. At the age of 15, the erect penis has the highest rigidity value, but every decade that passes subtracts a bit from that number, sapping the vitality that is essential to anybody’s sex life. Nevertheless, the only thing that keeps this negative pattern going is our own lack of effort to improve the situation.

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So here’s the situation - you and your spouse have both decided to get a divorce. Fine. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball like that. Don’t worry, it’s not the end of the world. No matter how much you have been hurt by what you’ve done or said to each other, you must realize that a divorce is a new beginning for both of you. Unfortunately, there’s no official manual for how to deal with divorce. Although each person must find his or her path out of it, there are few things you can do to save yourself a lot of additional pain.

First, let’s talk money. If you have a lot of money, getting a divorce can be either very hard or a walk in the park for obvious reasons, depending on the person you’re divorcing. If you have little or no money, and your wife supported you while you were together, you’ll probably won’t pay the attorney’s fees, but after she cuts your off financially, you’ll have to be quick on your feet to avoid starvation and sleeping on a friend’s couch for a couple of months. So, you need to have a few grand (5 to 6 will do) stashed away to help you transition from Married Filing Jointly to Single tax status. This money will come in handy when you start looking for a new apartment, maybe a new car, and maybe - and I really hope you’re not in that position - a new job.

OK, so let’s recap - at a minimum you’ll need: 1) A few grand, 2) New apartment. If you and your ex wife had children, they’ll probably stay with her. Make sure your new place is within a few miles from your former home, so you can visit your children often. This is really a very important step so don’t mess it up. Children come first. Do your best to make the transition for them as painless as possible. If your children are out of the house, have a frank chat with them and explain how you feel. They’ll try their best to understand, as long as you and their mother are happy with your decision.

After you secure yourself with a new place, and your children are taken care of, take some time off to reflect on what happened. Try to see the situation not only from your point of view, but from your ex spouse’s too. Do not point fingers and blame anybody for what happened. Crap happens. Such is life. It’s unfair, hard, unjust, full of pain, but it is also full of joy, adventure, pleasures, happiness, laughter, love, and excitement. Do not forget that.

Life is richer than the little slice you’ve lived with your ex spouse. Realize that. Slowly, time will pass, your wounds will heal, and things will fall back into place again. There is a saying: “God is always a good God.” Breathe deeply, do some yoga or take up jogging, and trust yourself that you’ll emerge a better and stronger person from divorce.

As a man, the odds are against you when dealing with finances and your children. When the idea of divorce first comes up, you will want to start planning and getting all financial records in order. Learn more about legal issues

When my doctor prescribed my new Blood Pressure pills he actually told me to not go reading the literature and putting myself off. Well - guess what was the first thing I did? I usually ignore this information as the listing of possible (occasional) side effects is enough to put you off taking anything that the doctor prescribes, or taking him seriously ever again. As I read through the long list of terrifying possible consequences of taking the little white pills he had ordered for me this time - there was one possible outcome that caught my attention.

“Hey Babs, we’ll have to watch out for this one!” I blurted to my wife “it says here that a possible side effect is sexual impotence”.

Imagine me preen when she replied “Well I can’t see YOU having trouble in THAT department”

It is strange but that one comment prompted a flashback to a time in my youthful days when I DID go through a problem in THAT department. I only wish upon reflection that I had known then what I know now - especially about how the mind works.

In particular about the power of the mind if you learn to control it.

My work as a web designer first brought me into contact with a clinical hypnotherapist Adam Eason. I can’t attribute the original quote to him but one thing in particular that Adam said resonated with me. “If you think you can’t, you are right, you can’t”.

Worth repeating “IF YOU THINK YOU CAN’T - YOU ARE RIGHT - YOU CAN’T”.

We really are what we think. More importantly our subconscious mind learns everything from our conscious thoughts and believes them to be what we want.

Take my youthful introduction and exploits in the bedroom as a classic example of the truth of all this. I must point out this was pre Babs.

Without getting embarrassingly graphic I would be out all evening with my partner of the time and all the normal hormonal reactions would be present all evening - but get to the undressing and into bed stage and everything would stop working - except my mind which kept saying to myself - I knew this would happen. AND OF COURSE I WAS RIGHT - IT DID HAPPEN. My subconscious mind had delivered what I kept telling it to deliver.

I used to go to some pretty desperate measures to overcome this rapid onset impotence by pretending to want to go to the loo so that I could get myself into a ready state. Then I would scuttle quickly back to the bed before limpness set in again.

At the time I thought I was the only one that had this problem. But who do you talk to about temporary impotence when you are 20 years old?

To fast forward, the problem didn’t last long as I was fortunate enough to meet a girl who sorted out the issue once and for all in a sensitive and caring way.

The fact is that most men suffer from temporary impotence at some stage in their life.

It is not easy to write such a personal account about your own psychological impotence problem but this is a very common issue for many men and I know that there is a simple solution.

If I HAD - known then what I know now - I would have definitely turned to clinical self-hypnosis for a solution. Self-hypnosis allows you to teach your subconscious mind new beliefs about yourself - to rid you of the conflict within your head.

So I think I will just keep taking the tablets, and if anything untoward does happen well I know where I will seek a solution.

Author Keith Watson is a former UK Registered Nurse who
now develops and markets websites related to Health and Mind issues.
For more information on this personal topic check out Keith Watson’s Blog